I Interviewed these 6 Mamas about their Motherhood Journeys, Have a Read
HEY MAMAS!!!
For Mother's Day this year, I chose to interview a handful of randomly selected moms about their journeys in Motherhood instead of rambling on about mine lol. So many of us parents experience different phases & situations of the world of parenthood, so I wanted to learn a little bit more. I find so much of my purpose in connecting with other families & mothers! Thank you ladies for participating in this interview in honor of Mother's Day & sharing your story.
Psalm 139:13-14: "For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."
Jorje
My name is: Jorje (yes my parents really named their daughter that ) & I became a mother on 7/21/15 I’m originally from Texas & I have 2 children. What I love most about being a mother is: the unconditional love my kids have for me. Do you or have you ever felt like you’ve lost your identity after becoming a mother? Yes, when my first child was born. I was home with him a lot while my husband worked, and I got so wrapped up in being a new mommy I did lose myself for a little while. One area I’d like to be better as a mom is having more patience with my oldest. I will feel more nourished as a mommy if I make time for me which involves a glass of wine and a long bath. I sometimes daydream about what people who don’t have kids do with all their free time.
One thing I wish women that aren’t moms knew about mothers is we are doing the best we can, and some days are better than others.
One thing I would like my spouse/SO to understand about motherhood or how life has changed for me is after breastfeeding a child all day, sometimes I don’t want to be touched. Having a child attached to you all day is exhausting. Please describe how you became a mother:
I have been pretty lucky with both of my births. With my first I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I knew I felt off, but I wasn’t in labor. I went to labor and delivery and they tried to send me home. After speaking to my dr she told them to go ahead and admit me, and it’s a good thing they did. My water broke and 21 minutes later my son was in my arms. If we had left I would have given birth in the car. Have you ever been “mom-shamed”? In a sense yes. One time I was breastfeeding my son in public, and I had a lady yell at me. She cussed me out about not using a nursing cover. How much of your motherhood journey has been with or without a “village”? The first 18 months of my sons life we lived near family. He’s almost 5 now, and the rest of the time we have been on our own. I have to say since getting to Malmstrom we’ve managed to make our own little village here to help us.
The way I bond the best or most with my little(s) is cuddling on the couch watching the favorite movies while we eat special snacks. How different is your parenting style compared to whomever raised you? I had a very rough upbringing, so my style is the complete opposite of how I was raised. If you could go back in time & speak to yourself before motherhood, what would you say? I would tell myself that I turn out to be a much better mother than I ever had growing up. I would tell myself to not worry what other family members think of me or my family, and to just do what’s best for us. Any advice you’d like to share for other moms-to-be? Don’t get hung up on trying to please everyone. Do what you feel is right for your kids and your family. If someone doesn’t like it, that’s their problem. Finally, what’s changed most for you as an individual since becoming a mom? Having kids has made me a much softer individual. Now I cry at diaper commercials!
Chelsea
My name is Chelsea aka slave & I became a mother on April 17 2015. I’m originally from st. George utah & I have 3 children, if you count my man child.
What I love most about being a mother is getting to hear my children have a genuine laugh, you know the stomach curling belly rolling type of life that is just super contagious and you can't help but to smile when you hear it.
Do you or have you ever felt like you’ve lost your identity after becoming a mother?
Absolutely. I think about this almost every single day. I think about how my life could have been so much different if I never would've had children all the things that I would be able to go out and do or buy or experience. I never imagined being a stay-at-home mother I always imagined myself being the breadwinner and working and doing something that I love and being passionate about it and being the best at it.
One area I’d like to be better as a mom is
Omg....there's so many areas that I would like to be better at as a mom. One of them is to have more patience and let the kids be free. Not to have so much need to have control over how things look or how things are done. Just to let them be messy and let them be loud and crazy and to not have to feel like I am scratching at the back of my eyes if I can't control it
I will feel more nourished as a mommy if I make time for
Doing projects that require just myself to do them. I do run a small at home business making projects for others whether it be signs or wood work. and when I get to do those things it's typically something I do exclusively by myself and that's when I can feel more complete and take a breath.
I sometimes daydream about
What life is going to be like when they're not here. Not meaning that I don't enjoy them being here. But it's been 5 years of me being a stay-at-home mom and I still have a hard time adjusting to it most days. So it makes me wonder if by the time they're old enough to either completely be self-sufficient or be out of the house am I going to feel lost again or am I going to immediately revert back to what I thought that I wanted.
One thing I wish women that aren’t moms knew about mothers is
I will whole heartedly say that I feel that stay-at-home moms work just as hard if not harder than people who have taxable paying jobs. meaning when I didn't have kids I remember thinking to myself stay at home moms have such an easy life they stay home with their kids all day, yeah they've got to clean up after them and cook for them but other than that they get so much free time. Or being in Walmart and hearing a kid cry I would think oh my gosh I just wish that they would be quiet and shut up. But now I realize that I have my fist in my mouth every day with saying those things before because I literally have zero free time to even sit down and watch one episode of trash TV I can usually finish one episode of something within a matter of two to three days because I have to re-watch it so many times in order to get the whole thing. between taking care of the house cooking cleaning doing the small business that I have making sure that my kids are safe and nourished and then taking care of myself not even to mention my husband's needs it's a full-time job you don't get a break even if you go to the grocery store, they are with you, you don't get that free time after work. work is 24/7. And now hearing kids at Walmart cry all I can do is sympathize for that parent and hope and pray that their day hasn't been like that all day and wanting to go help.
One thing I would like my spouse/SO to understand about motherhood or how life has changed for me is: I truly never thought that I wanted to be a mother. But after having kids and having them every day and getting to hear their gibbering and jabbering and getting to see them grow and learn is it makes me so happy that we did decide to have kids and then I did decide to be a stay-at-home mom instead of having somebody else watch them and take care of them while I work, the memories that I'm going to have them as children while I get to stay home with him is something that can never be replaced and never have a price on it or a paycheck on it. And I never in a million years thought that I would value something like that because in the past I did not like kids which to be completely honest I still don't but I LOVE MINE!
Please describe how you became a mother:
From a very young age I was told that I had PCOS and endometriosis and I would not be able to have children and that my hormones didn't match up in order to host a child that would survive. after being married for a few years we decided we wanted to try to have children even though we were told it was very unlikely and going to be hard. I was on medication for quite some time and then we finally got pregnant with our first little girl Sarah. I had hyperemesis both pregnancies. And was in the hospital for almost 2 to 3 months with Sarah and then even though the pregnancy was perfect the rest of the way at the very end at 34 weeks all of her fluid disappeared and we had an emergency C-section which was a surprise but she was still big beautiful and healthy and then we decided to have another kid and wanted to start trying early just in case it took as long as it did the first time and we got pregnant with him the first month that we tried and after that we decided that was enough and that we could be happy with the blessings that we were given.
Have you ever been “mom-shamed”?
I don't feel like I ever have been mom shamed. I don't know if that's just because everybody's too scared to say anything about me and how I parent my children or if that's just because I'm doing everything pretty good ? Lol. I mean they're alive so I must be doing something right .
How much of your motherhood journey has been with or without a “village”?
Oh, this is a tough one. I had my whole family around me when we first had Sarah my first child. And then Jordan decided he wanted to join the Air Force and I couldn't keep telling him no. So he joined and he was off to BMT within a month and a half of signing papers and I was pregnant with Mikey or second child when he left. And when my key turn 2 weeks old we were stationed out in mounds from Montana. So I would say without a village it's been about a year-and-a-half. But with a village it was three and a half.
The way I bond the best or most with my little(s) is....I feel like they're still really little in order to do a full connection. But I would say with Sarah the best way for me to bond with her is to do artwork and play dolls with her. And with Mikey he is completely different the best way to he bonds is by snuggling. Whether that's me walking around with him. Or just sitting on the couch and being lazy and watching a movie.
How different is your parenting style compared to whomever raised you?...I feel that my mother wanted to be more of a friend than a parental figure which was good and bad in some ways. And I feel that I give more direction and I'm much more strict with my children than my mother was with me.
If you could go back in time & speak to yourself before motherhood, what would you say?
Get ready to give up and sacrifice almost everything you know about yourself but don't worry you'll get through it it will be okay it will be very hard some days it's okay to cry it's okay to feel that you're not good enough just know that your family adores you and that you're worth it. And they're worth it. And the sacrifices that you're making now are making lifetime memories for them.
Any advice you’d like to share for other moms-to-be?
Everything at this point is going to be normal. It's going to be okay. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to feel like you're not doing good or that you're doing amazing everybody's different. Everybody has different styles. Everybody does things different. Just do what you're comfortable with do what you feel is best. there's no book or rules that are going to make anything easier for you besides you figuring out what is going to work best for you and your family. you're loved. You're appreciated. You're beautiful. Just remember that you're worth it.
Finally, what’s changed most for you as an individual since becoming a mom?
I think probably the biggest thing is sacrifice. before having kids I don't feel like I ever really had to sacrifice anything. I never had to sacrifice my time my resources
Ashley
My name is Ashley Brown & I became a mother on 12/09/2016. I’m originally from New York & I have 1 child.
What I love most about being a mother is watching my little girl grow and become a good human.
Do you or have you ever felt like you’ve lost your identity after becoming a mother?
Yes absolutely, you can become so consumed in taking care of everyone else that you forget about you. Always take time for you. It’s a must.
One area I’d like to be better as a mom is patience. Especially during this quarantine, it’s been very trying.
I will feel more nourished as a mommy if I make time for self care, nails, hair, all the things.
I sometimes daydream about becoming a nurse. I’ve always wanted to be one. I actually did a year of nursing school but didn’t follow through, I wish I could tell my 19 year old self, you can do this, it will be worth it.
One thing I wish women that aren’t moms knew about mothers is they can’t just drop everything and go. We need a heads up lol.
One thing I would like my spouse/SO to understand about motherhood or how life has changed for me is I’m not completely who I used to be, I’m tired I need time for myself too.
Please describe how you became a mother: The day my daughter was born was the best day of my life. I looked at that little girl and couldn’t believe that she was mine. I was completely humbled. The bond is indescribable and it continues to grow each and every day.
Have you ever been “mom-shamed”?
Yes. I struggled with breast feeding, I tried my hardest but it just didn’t work for us. I will never forget the look on a woman’s face when I pulled out formula and fed it to my daughter. Fed is best, not breast is best.
How much of your motherhood journey has been with or without a “village”?
For the first year my husband and I were stationed at Seymour Johnson Air Force Base in Goldsboro, North Carolina. We had no family but friends that became family. They were a huge help. I miss NC and our friends that were family. Now, we’re back in New York and have tons of help. You need it, I know that’s not possible for everyone but it helps a ton. I love that my daughter can have her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins.
The way I bond the best or most with my little(s) is playing toys and snuggling with her. Snuggling is the best, in that moment nothing else in the world matters with that sweet baby in your arms.
How different is your parenting style compared to whomever raised you? I wouldn’t say it’s changed that much. My parents did a great job raising me in my opinion. I instill how they raised me into my daughter.
If you could go back in time & speak to yourself before motherhood, what would you say?
Hmm... I would tell myself don’t blink, it goes so fast. My baby is going to be 4 this year. I don’t even know how that is possible.
Any advice you’d like to share for other moms-to-be?
Remember to take time for you. Soak in every moment with your babies, they grow too fast.
Finally, what’s changed most for you as an individual since becoming a mom?
I look at things very different than I used to. It keeps me grounded that’s for sure. I try to be the best version of myself for my daughter.
Emily F.
My name is Emily & I became a mother on February 28th, 2020. I’m originally from Grants Pass, Oregon & I have 1 child.
What I love most about being a mother is: being able to watch this little human that is half me and half the love of my life, grow and develop into her own person.
Do you or have you ever felt like you’ve lost your identity after becoming a mother?
I think as a mom it is very hard to not lose yourself. You carry your children for 10 months, you birth them, if breastfeeding you feed them from your body, and you take care of their every day needs. With all children, but a newborn especially, your entire day revolves around caring for your child and there is little time leftover for yourself. It is hard to find and make that time in the day to be more “you” when everything you are revolves around your children. So yes, I do feel like I lost the old version of myself, but I found a new version. The new version of me is Emily, a mother, and I would take this version of me over the old one any day.
One area I’d like to be better as a mom is being less stressed out and anxious. I have horrible postpartum anxiety about everything in life, but especially things surrounding my daughter. I hope as time goes on that it gets better, but for now I just hope that that anxiety doesn’t hinder my ability to let my daughter try things for herself and learn new things as she grows.
I will feel more nourished as a mommy if I make time for working out daily and warm showers alone.
I sometimes daydream about how things were before. I love my life and family, but I do sometimes miss times when it was just my husband and I.
One thing I wish women that aren’t moms knew about mothers is that it’s really hard. All of it. Pregnancy, child birth, postpartum, having a newborn, and raising a child. I think women who haven’t had children yet expect that there will be some level of easiness as it should all come naturally to us because that’s what God put women on this earth for, but in no way does that make any of it easy. I know that I greatly underestimated every part about becoming a mom. It is absolutely the greatest joy in the world and the most amazing thing I’ve ever done, but it is hard!
One thing I would like my spouse/SO to understand about motherhood or how life has changed for me is my life revolves around her now and I am unable to just switch off being a mom when she’s sleeping and it’s just us.
Please describe how you became a mother:
I have always wanted to be a mother. I see it as one of the greatest joys in life. When my husband and I got married we both knew we wanted kids so having our daughter only a year and a half after we got married wasn’t a huge surprise to anyone. We got pregnant last June and welcomed our daughter into the world this February, and our lives have never been the same. She is our greatest joy and my little buddy. I prayed for her for what seemed like forever, and now that she’s finally here it does at times feel like a dream. Being a mom is one of the most amazing things I’ve ever been blessed to do.
Have you ever been “mom-shamed”? Absolutely.
How much of your motherhood journey has been with or without a “village”?
I would say about 90% has been without. Being a military family makes things hard in and of itself, but then you add on her being born within a pandemic and most of your support system is physically taken away.
The way I bond the best or most with my little(s) is cuddling and quality time with no other distractions.
How different is your parenting style compared to whomever raised you?
I don’t really have a “parenting style” yet as she is so young, however my husband and I both want to raise, parent, and discipline significantly different than our parents did. I would describe our parenting style compared to that of our parents as much more laid back but structured at the same time. My husband and I are much calmer and more soft spoken than our parents are.
If you could go back in time & speak to yourself before motherhood, what would you say?
“Give yourself lots of grace and know that it’s okay to not feel like you’re doing everything right. You’re doing your best and that is enough.”
Any advice you’d like to share for other moms-to-be?
Give yourself grace, take a shower every day, try to eat one meal a day while it’s still hot, and it’s okay to let the laundry sit or the floors go unvacuumed for a few days. Soak up the time with your babies because time is ever fleeting and they are only this little once! Tomorrow they’ll be just a little older and bigger and things may not be the same as they are today.
Finally, what’s changed most for you as an individual since becoming a mom?
I think motherhood has changed me so much and taught me so many things. I don’t feel like there is one specific thing that has changed in me because I feel like my entire being has become a different person. I am no longer Emily a wife, daughter, sister, etc. I am now first Emily a mom before all of those other things. if I had to pick something that has changed about me it would be that I have become more flexible and patient.
Shelby
My name is Shelby & I became a mother on August 2, 2012. I’m originally from Nashville Tn & I have three children.
What I love most about being a mother is watching these beautiful babies God gave me flourish and grow into who He made them to be.
Do you or have you ever felt like you’ve lost your identity after becoming a mother?
No, I have never felt like I lost my identity after becoming a mother. I felt like rather I found more of a purpose in my life after becoming a mother.
One area I’d like to be better as a mom is becoming more patient in the mess. Like I said I have three kids and my house can become messy quick. I am a little bit of a clean freak and like everything in its correct spot all the time, but I have learned thats just not truly living and I’m learning to embrace my season!
I will feel more nourished as a mommy if I make time for myself. I just have to get alone and have my quiet time with Jesus. I am not just a better mom but a better wife and person all around. Jesus refills my cup and nourishes my heart.
I sometimes daydream about traveling across the country in a RV with my husband and three kids! It is a dream of mine to one day own one!
One thing I wish women that aren’t moms knew about mothers is how much we can do while doing other things. I feel like being a mom makes us be able to feed a baby, cook dinner, and have a full blown conversation with someone at the same time. Mothers are the best multi-task people!
One thing I would like my spouse/SO to understand about motherhood or how life has changed for me is my struggle with my own body image after having children. Some days I am better than others. My husband tells me I’m beautiful all the time its just me getting it through my head that I am and stop judging myself. Us as moms are so blessed that God could create something so beautiful inside our wombs. And that our bodies were created so beautifully and significantly to grow His creation!
Please describe how you became a mother: I became a mother when I was 18 years old. I had gotten marries in September and found out I was pregnant in October. I had a very rough start to my pregnancy and the doctors told me I needed to go home and prepare to miscarry. I prayed so much for my sweet baby and God carried me through the entire pregnancy and she was born a perfect 7 pounds and 7 oz! The same thing happened with my second daughter. I was told I was going to lose her. Once again God carried me through my entire pregnancy. She was born a perfect 7 pounds and 6oz. With my third pregnancy I began to have trouble again. This time I was shocked that I ended up miscarrying. My husband and I were very shocked and hurt at the same time. The only feeling I remember telling people when they asked how I was was empty. It was a hard time for us but I know I will see that sweet baby one day in Heaven. In my fourth pregnancy everything went perfect. He in now 8 months old was was born a perfect 7 pounds and 5 oz. All of my babies are 17 days apart and each one of them were 7 pounds. I smile perfect I know that in the Bible 7 is God’s favorite number. He is just so good and creates such beauty in the details.
Have you ever been “mom-shamed”?
When I had my first daughter at 18 I was mom shamed for having her so young.
How much of your motherhood journey has been with or without a "village"?
I would say that maybe only 75% was with a village.
The way I bond the best or most with my little(s) is over talking with them. As my daughters have gotten older and we can have heart to heart talks its so special to me. As my son is only 8 months old our way is through cuddling and when I feed him.
How different is your parenting style compared to whomever raised you?
My mother was a great mother but it was only her and I growing up as my dad wasn’t in the picture. I didn’t get saved until I was in 9th grade (2009). Therefore we both started going to Church and both found our relationship with Jesus. My mother didn’t really know how to raise me in a Godly way before that. In that aspect we have parented completely different. Plus my husband is such a wonderful father and I can just be the mom. My mother didn’t get that. She had to be a mom and dad.
If you could go back in time & speak to yourself before motherhood, what would you say?
I would tell myself not to compare myself with other moms. We are all different and we are all so gifted in many different ways.
Any advice you’d like to share for other moms-to-be?
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You are doing a good job whether you think it or not! Don’t go to bed thinking what you would have changed about your day. Just be present and loving with your children because thats what they will remember the most!
Finally, what’s changed most for you as an individual since becoming a mom?
I think I can see what is truly important in life now and to take life at a slower pace. I love how my children see life and I enjoy seeing it through their eyes as well.